I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
