This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize