Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize