this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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