wake up i wanna do it froggy style
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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