I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
