I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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