If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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