She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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