dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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