Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
