Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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