I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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