I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
