I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
