So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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