Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I didn't shave. On purpose
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
