We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Randomize
