Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
