i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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