i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
