I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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