Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
