I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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