I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Randomize
