Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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