Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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