I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
