Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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