Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
