I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
