wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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