I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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