Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
