Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
