How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
