either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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