Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
