Im at strip club and am horny
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
