We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
