all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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