Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
