He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
