I think my fart just growled at me.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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