i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
