I can tuck mytits in my pants
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
