that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
