Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
