How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
it's like heaven, but drunker
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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