i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
