Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
