We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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