Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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