I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
