I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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