Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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