I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
