I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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