I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm at about main and main street
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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