I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
do herpes really smell.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
