Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
