I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I cockslap morals
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
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Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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