I wish I could teleport
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
