how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
