he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
