So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My feet surprised me
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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