I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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