Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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