oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
