sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
