Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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