I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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